Dance Dance Revolution: The Screenplay

[KMasaki]

Yes, I wrote it all. Pretty long, no? I was going to post the entire thing but I exceeded the character limit for a post ;;;

So basically it's a fanfic- but not in the fanfic-like sense. This is more of a script than anything; descriptions will be read as if the camera is focusing on it. Not like this thing would be movie material, but... whatever.

I know, it's long, but I hope that my storyline will make the acts fly by. I hope that of the one or two people that actually read through the entire ten acts will be tremendously pleased.

And now... DDR: THE SCREENPLAY.

Act I: The Enigma

Act II: Before the Storm

Act III: Coup de Gras

Act IV: Real Big Fish

Act V: The Worst Luck ~Scene I~

Act V: The Worst Luck ~Scene II~

Act VI: The Blazing Flames of Team Phoenix

Act VII: The Formidable Team TAKA (Remix)

Act VIII: Reunion and Departure of the DDR All Stars

Act IX: Hunter and the Hunted ~Scene I~

Act IX: Hunter and the Hunted ~Scene II~

Act X

Extra Act XI

Enjoy!!!
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"Does anyone else think Emi without the hat is hot?" - Anonymous
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[devil_zukin]

I don't know, the idea of a person losing his memory and having DDR help him remember doesn't sound too exciting to me.
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[KMasaki]

You know, everyone that read the first act complained about that. "I don't think it's good, it sounds too generic... yadda yadda yadda amnesia is SOO cliche yadda yadda yadda."

But you know what? If you read the entire thing you'll realize that that's just a single facet of the screenplay. Those that read the all of it weren't complaining about it anymore.

So read all ten acts before you make a judgement on it. That's all I'm saying.
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[Wolfman2000]

Well well well..........I've seen many different fan fiction articles before, but THIS possibly takes the cake.



Seeing the actual DDR characters "live"...but how you made then act......particularly *static*......bah!


Still very good, though.

[KMasaki]

Well, I didn't want to make the history of the DDR charas, but instead have human representations of them. Basically have crazy DDR freaks so obsessed with the game that they name themselves at the arcade after them.

And as for them being static... well, first off, I believe that dialogue conveys more to the reader than anything else, and secondly, it's too confining to have descriptions for everything. You have to use your imagination for some of it. Besides, I'd get bored trying to describe every little thing, so I just kept it limited to things that I wanted to have a clear image of.
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[haunted_i]

Personally, I liked it. But most people would respond better to a script about, er . . . regular people who have DDR as a major way of life. Oh, well. It's the classic Hollywood battle between original ideas and appealing to everyone.
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DJ bring the retard!

[devil_zukin]

[KMasaki]

Lol, I understand that, but honestly- have you made it to even the seventh act? I mean, everything gets a helluva lot clearer with every passing act, but the first three are pretty tough to get into. Until you learn his real name. I dunno exactly how far you've gotten into it, but it's cheesy for a reason...

A reason you'll learn in act eight.

But whatever, you don't have to read any more than you want, it's just there for your enjoyment... (even if two reasons aren't enough to justify not reading something, IMO, or else I wouldn't have read a lot of stuff in the world) and yes, I'm taking into account everything you're saying for revision. Even... ::sigh:: the chara names.
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[devil_zukin]

[KMasaki]

Lol, well, that's true... but still, it's a first draft. Hell, just about every one of these acts were written up at around 3 am, with the exception of the last act- that one was a little too confusing to be writing that up in the middle of the night. All first drafts need editing. Not like I'd turn it into anyone, but still... at least I can be content with myself after rewriting some of it.

To tell you the truth... the ending wasn't made until I wrote it. So it's not quite the way I wanted it all to be worded... but it got the point across.

So read the rest already!! I kid.
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Got MAX: 6th Mix!
Got MAX2: 7th Mix!
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[devil_zukin]

I've done the 3am writing and posting in the morning thing. Then when I woke up the next morning I would look at what I wrote and it wouldn't make the slightest bit of sense to me.

When you've revised it I'll take another look at it.
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[zreLmar]

I just started reading it, it's pretty good. Nice Job!
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death by one-ex.

[KMasaki]

Yes, at least someone likes it!! Hoo-rah!

Hmm... now that I re-read it, I DO like the ending... but the beginning does need work. I'll probably work on the first act... maybe part of the second... but everything else works so well once you read it all...
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Got MAX: 6th Mix!
Got MAX2: 7th Mix!
Now gotta get a memory card... T_T

[Zukin-Man]

All right, I'm going to be painfully honest. Try not to get offended. (Grab a beer, this may take a while.)

First off, two teams that all just happen to name themselves after DDR characters. Later, an apparently evil part of Konami comes into play. What a coincidence. They have character names too.

Konami ruled by an evil Riyu Kosaka who thens gets killed by Naoki. You monster.

It's been said, and I have to agree. The characters were very static, and they didn't get much better as the story progressed.

Each time a new character was introduced, you told their age, gender and hairstyle. Nothing more. Beyond this, we could very well assume that they're naked with pale white skin and the hooves and tail of Satan.

Once Naoki turned Neo, you went a little vague on who died and how. You stated that he put his hands on Zukin's chest for a deathblow, but nothing after that. Did Alice survive, or did she die while in Ni-Na's custody? And what of Izam?

Flashbacks were a little...loose, I guess you could say. During Naoki's flashbacks, his was the only dialogue you could identify. Everything else seemed like it was said by the same person. I understand that while his memory was clouded, he could have at least told the difference in the voices, and that you could have labelled them as Person 1, Person 2, and such.

Is it just me, or did it seem like everyone had something against Be For U?

A lot of Naoki's flashbacks, especially in the beginning, seemed very generic and forced. It almost became predictable. Start conversation, person asks critical question, Naoki starts to answer, flashback begins, Naoki talks in fragments, flashback continues into a conclusion.

Candy Star. Not by 2 Unlimited.

The Omegamix testing making Charmy go into shock? Unless I'm mistaken, she should simply pass out from exhaustion, wake up a little while later, and be right as rain.

The two kids dying from overplaying the Dance Dance Revolution 2K2 Beta Mix? As stated before, I'm pretty sure they would have just collapsed from simple exhaustion before they did enough damage to wreck themselves like that. Besides, I would've hoped the two would have enough common sense to quit before they kicked off.

The purpose of The Commitee of Nine could have been explained more. Is it safe to assume they were chosen for these positions by having their names drawn from a hat?

A soccer ball during La Copa De La Vida? Now we're getting a little carried away.

This was just a short(?) little review on what I remembered from the story. To do a full review would require that I read the whole thing again, and I don't have the patience for that at the moment.

I do, however, have some positive feedback. While it's highly improbable that Konami would hold testing for superhuman tests, it was definitely a good attempt when you tried to add a dark plot under the tournament. Then there's the fact that you actually took time to think about a story and write it, which is more than I can say for some people, including myself. I've always wanted to write a fanfic, but a big obstacle has been my own laziness, which leaves the question of why I typed such a review.

Please don't take any of this as an insult. I'm just the kind of person that likes to critique written works as I see fit.

In conclusion I can thank you for only one thing: Thank you for deciding to exclude Maho from this story.
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[zreLmar]

Who cares if parts of it are phoney, IMO, it's incredibly entertaining!
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death by one-ex.

[zreLmar]

I just finished reading the ending, now you can rewrite the beginning , btw, all the murders added a nice touch to the story, and the Neo Naoki = ROFL how he can hit the arroes without even being near the machine
Once again, Nice Job! When are you writing another one?
_________________

death by one-ex.

[KMasaki]

Zukin-Man, I just want to take the moment to personally thank you for reading through THE ENTIRE THING. When you're not interested in something, I know it's tough to pull through. So thanks for not only reading by critiquing me. No, I'm not kidding. Thank you.

First off, yes, I know, it's tacky, cliche, but it works. Personally, I don't know if the charas would've stuck an image in your mind as much if I had to refer to them via their real names. I also notice I'm pretty inconsistent with their fake and real names- the first three acts everyone's kinda referring to each other by any name they please, and it's only in the last four acts or so that I consistently get everyone to refer to each other by their REAL name. The chara name is more for... well, asthetic cheesyness, if you will.

Second of all, Riyu is the devil. Power to Naoki.

The charas did kind of lack personality and that for the most part is my fault. After I read the thing again, I noticed that about after the fourth act I was TRYING to make Janet a bad-buttocks, Rage the strong but silent, Johnny the outgoing crazy one, and Alice completely out in left field. But as soon as I got into the fifth act, all that went to crap and everyone acted pretty generic. Needs work.

Lol about the Satan remark. To define their entire character... hm, well that'd be tough. It's hard to transpose what is in the mind to on the paper- hence the chara names. I was hoping perhaps that if I used the chara names, the image would pop into your mind and you'd be able to visualize what he or she would look like based on the chara. Yes, I know, I'm cheating.

Now the ending... (laughs) that was... fun. And chaotic. I liked it. Because nothing makes sense. Naoki's going on a killing spree, Kosaka's lost her mind, who knows where in the hell Rage, Janet, and Johnny went, how in the hell did the TAKA impersonator pop up, who's dead, who's not... it's total chaos. But to be truthful... no, Zukin does not die at the hands of Neo Naoki. Just before dealing the final blow (aka exploding the heart from the inside out- knew I should've kept that part in there), he hears Love Shine from the Omegamix, goes beserk, and instead turns to Kosaka to stop the damn song from playing in his mind. And as for everyone living or dying... I was going to write something about how Johnny, Rage, and the rest of the All Stars escaped and how Izam survived and Alice healed from her wounds... but you know what? I don't want people to know. I want them to go, "Hey, what the hell?? What's gonna happen to so-and-so? You mean you didn't write anymore about it?? You threw them away, cast them aside??? YOU B******!!" Besides, it leaves room for a sequel.

I didn't want to label the people speaking, as flashbacks are generally very vague and chaotic... although, I guess for better reading I should've... ah well.

Once again: Anything with Kosaka Riyu = teh devil.

Yes, the Flashbacks were so damn well timed you could put them on a clock. But I repeated them so they'd almost be etched into your mind when the history behind it would be revealed. And yes, I did overdo the amnesia effect. Will be fixed.

And yes, I did misquote. That's what happens when you're not researching. Stupid planet remix...

Well, technically normal people wouldn't have been able to keep up with the damn mix all the way through. Yes, she should've just feinted. Or stepped off the dance pad. But remember- she, like the rest of Forgotten Idol + Naoki, is on sensory steroids, with unknown side effects. Basically, the steroid gave out. No steroid = too many nerve impulses at one time flooding the brain = brain overload = collapse. Well, that's how it SHOULD work, anyways...

Hmm... you know, it all made perfect sense to me then... I could say they were crippled children with weak hearts, but that just ain't right... Yeah, that needs to be fixed.

The Commitee of Nine... ah, another group that was cast aside after act five. Basically, they were figureheads. Yep, that's all they were. Fodder for Riyu. I could've explained it more, but this is how it worked... so the KCET building blew up, right? No more President. Boo hoo. So whatever execs were left from KCET merged with KCEA to form the commitee of nine. One of these, of course, was Kosaka Riyu. Don't ask how she got there. Hell, I'm not even sure.

Aww, come on, did you not chuckle just a little bit with the soccer ball deal? Just a little? No? .... Hmph. Party pooper.

Basically, the screenplay was to achieve two plotlines: Synthaesthesia and the history of Naoki. Neither one was really realistic or complete, but at least it was a good read in that sense, no?

Once again, thank you for not only reading the thing, but also critiquing it. Although I have to admit, with the time you spent on my screenplay, you could've already been 1/4 of the way through yours
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"Does anyone else think Emi without the hat is hot?" - Anonymous
Got MAX: 6th Mix!
Got MAX2: 7th Mix!
Now gotta get a memory card... T_T

[Kosaka-chan]

[Wolfman2000]

I don't care who is really evil in the CURRENT songs...just as long as the next DDR mix that comes out will NOT be anything like these 2K greek mixes of death.


If that did happen, though...*twilight zone theme plays (NOT Disney or Max )*

[Green okTane]

WOW
this has been really entertaining every day after school i read an act or 2 or 3 and i really like it,, thank you for this little gift that has made my week
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** I see a dream in your dance i c tomorrow in your dance we can call it our hope **